Me and my girl and boy, raising awareness and acceptance of autism

She couldn’t tell me…

I’ve arrived back from the school run absolutely laden down with guilt and a dabble of annoyance.

Every morning (and afternoon) we have to go past the school where both T and D started their education.

T went to nursery and stayed up to the end of year 3 – when we moved him to another mainstream because the promise of more challenging work for him (he was working 2 years above his peers) didn’t materialise after over a year of requesting it.

D went to nursery there, was diagnosed and statemented whilst there and we moved her to a SN school 3 months after she had received her statement (a year long process) as she just wasn’t participating in class and her anxieties were very pronounced (as well as stilted speech, delayed motor skills, lack of social skills etc)

I knew at the time that she wasn’t enjoying school life, the home-school diaries never made good reading and the outburst of emotions were an indicator as soon as she saw me. But, because at the time she wasn’t statemented, we had to trust in the “system” and believe that a statement would be granted and then we would have some choice in our daughter’s schooling.

(Of course, this is only my experience. There are many SN children who are able to attend mainstream and have a great time)

D left that school 2.5 years ago and is very happy (for the majority of the time) in her SN school.

We were going past the old school this morning and D said “that’s mine and T’s old school. The worst school”. I asked her why that was, and her reply was “because the children all used to tease me. I didn’t like it, I used to run away very fast”.

I wish she had been able to tell me at the time. I could have talked to the teacher (mind you, her Reception teacher described D to me as “flighty” once so I doubt it would have done any good).

There were recorded instances of lunchtime issues where she’d fallen over and cut her hands and she’d gone to a dinner lady holding out her hands crying and they’d assumed she wanted to give them the plastic apple she was also holding. A similar issue when she’d hurt her knees, because she wasn’t able to tell them.

Today was the first time she’d told me about the teasing.

So glad she’s matured enough to tell me, so relieved she’s happy in her SN school, guilty that I couldn’t have made it right at the time.

Thanks for reading Jx 😘

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Ps. If any readers are in Berkshire, UK and would like to know the name of the school, please DM me, publishing it on here would lose me my (relatively) anonymous status.

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Comments on: "She couldn’t tell me…" (10)

  1. Oh hun, that is heartbreaking and put a huge lump in my throat. D is in a much better place now so focus on that and how much happier she is. X

  2. Oh thats heartbreaking. My son is in mainstream, and although he can talk, he can’t express things like that. I worry all the time, he has, however, got great teachers x

    • As long as you have the great teachers and TAs, hopefully all will be fine. Communication is the key thing whether it’s a quick chat at the end of the day with staff or a home-school diary (which is honestly completed) x

  3. I’m so glad belle was able to go to sn school rather than main stream. Must of been so hard for your daughter initially. Lovely to here that she can express this to you. I had a ta from the nursery today tell us that the autism course she is doing, they were told in it that the reason my daughter doesn’t speak as she doesn’t need to as we give her everything we want. So unhelpfull!!

  4. I’ve had the same with my little boy. He is in Y3 now and moved to a new school halfway through the reception year. Both mainstream schools but the difference in the support and care he received was immense. He didn’t tell us at the time, and our suspicions were completely dismissed by his teacher. We spent 5 terms asking for him to be placed on the school SEN file, but were told ‘he’s got it up there somewhere, he just chooses to be difficult.’ He has recently begun to tell us how much he was bullied and the stories are horrific. Explains why he was was afraid to use the toilets in school. A lot of teachers just do not have the knowledge, patience or training to know how to alter their teaching and environment to allow AS children to thrive. But please please know there are some brilliant teachers out there who just try their very best for each and every child each day. I consider myself to be one of them. Having a child with Aspergers helps me with that, and many other things in life. AS children are a gift that not everyone knows how to access. It’s their loss.

  5. This is the main reason why (in my opinion), parents’ ideas and opinions should be seriously taken into consideration when planning and delivering interventions. Parents’ worries are often dismissed as mere paranoia or over-reaction. In my experience, most parents are the ones who know their children the best.

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