A day of two halves Sat 8th June 2013

It has definitely been a day as per the title, T preferring one aspect and D the other.

This morning we all headed off to watch T play football, normally D and I stay behind so that T and Hubbie get their “boys football time” but today we popped along (after asking if that was okay with T first).

Ultimately we (D and I) saw the game from a distance:

It was too busy for her, I knew in my heart-of-hearts it would be. We found a quiet little verge and D alternated between finding daisies, buttercups and wild grass and painting her fingernails!

She wanted to have varnish on last night for the party this afternoon but, D being D, wasn’t able to sit still long enough for the varnish to dry. So, it would smear. Eventually the baking hot weather meant that her nails DID dry. This is D in what she called “the squashed grass area” painting her nails.

A big part of me feels sad that she’s unable to run around carefree like so many other children were doing. But it’s all about acceptance of the child you have and understanding – almost risk-assessing – every situation.

One thing I wasn’t prepared for was a bolt in the car park, that situation has always been a big fear and luckily no moving vehicles were nearby. There were lots of people around and, despite us holding hands, it was too much for her. I wish the council big-wigs who turn down autism families for blue badges could understand autism more.

So, that was first half of the day done.

Next, in complete contrast, was a birthday party at Taplow – click on the link for more information.

Taplow or Thames Valley Adventure Playground is a special needs playground, a wonderfully inclusive place. I have honestly never seen D so relaxed – outside of the house – as she is there.

It’s a chance for parents and carers to relax and catch up, knowing that their children are safe and happy, no-one is going to be pointing, whispering or judging.

At party food time, I’d brought a packed tea – as I always do – so that they had their usual food, on their usual plates – no-one batted an eyelid. Similarly, D decided the party table was too busy for her so she sat with Hubbie and I, as did another child with his parents, all fine.

A couple of photos from a previous visit as I forgot to take any:

T found a boy to kick a ball around with, so he was happy.

Two tired children tonight, two relieved parents that the day has ended well, oh and T’s team won 6:3 (although D and I didn’t see it!).

Hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares welcomed. Thanks for reading Jx 😘

Down the scale Friday 7th June 2013

An unusual day today in that both T and D have not had the best of days. Usually one will be up and one will be down. It’s followed a disturbed night too, so that has played a part.

D woke up (after a restless night) full of anxieties, partly resulting (I think) from the changes to routine yesterday and partly because she’s having problems with two particular boys in the school playground removing her sunhat. She’d told a TA but they hadn’t told the boys not to do it (and it’s gone on for a few days) so she had anxieties about going to school and a refusal to wear her hat – which is not good in this weather.

I didn’t want to make a huge fuss but nor do I want D to suffer sun effects in the playground, so it was mentioned this morning when I dropped her off.

Whilst my two were (hopefully) enjoying their days, I met up with a friend for coffee and ended up chatting most of the morning away! Even though the majority of conversation was around autism, our children and putting the world to rights, it was an enjoyable few hours.

School runs soon beckoned and it was a tired D who emerged, no body slams for me today. She spent the majority of the journey home alternating between wailing and then wanting to hide/bolt.

T has been very tired too, blaming himself for leaving something at school and then getting upset over an aspect of his high functioning diagnosis. A better night for all hopefully.

Tomorrow WILL be a good day. D and I don’t normally go and watch T play football as it’s T-Dad time but we are tomorrow (with T’s permission) and then we’re all off for a birthday party at the wonderful special needs playground nearby (ish). Both T and D completely love it there and it’s so inclusive, a lovely experience for both children and carers.

So..it’s been a topsy-turvy old week but we’re all still here, healthy and looking forward to tomorrow. I hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares as ever welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

A proud Digital Leader Thurs 6th June 2013

When I was at school, there didn’t seem to be much in the way of badges. I think there were Head Girl and Head Boy badges, but not much else.

I do remember being a “table monitor” where you had to go round all the tables in the lunch hall and appoint one child at each to wipe the table.

I can’t imagine that that still happens now, the monitor would get all sorts of grief and the cloth probably chucked at them.

Anyway, T has a badge, a Digital Leader badge and he’s very proud of it!

There are two classes to each year and there’s only ten badges been awarded in years 5 and 6 so it’s quite a low ratio (10 amongst 120 children). His duty apparently is to be a digital whizz and be someone that others can go to for advice when using the IT equipment. Certainly, at home, he’s extremely fast when it comes to technology. He also gets extra time on the computer at school at the end of each day as he finishes the lessons before the other pupils.

I’m pleased, it’s given him that little extra confidence boost and, of course, it’s very visual which definitely appeals.

So, a good (but warm) day for Mr T, how about D?

She’s been a tad unsettled today, owing to a double change in routine.

The swimming pool is out of action, so it was decided that the class would go to the shops, have some inclusion and then get ice creams. Yum yum and the thought of that meant D positively bounced into class, it was an incentive for my tired girl to get up too.
It didn’t happen and they stayed at school.

A silently mouthing D when I collected her, lots of bear hugs and an ice cream for all from the freezer when we got home.

She has decided she doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow, she wants to stay with me so I’ve had to outline the most boring things imaginable I’ll be doing tomorrow in order to make school sound far more appealing!

I can forsee an anxious morning tomorrow, hopefully I’m wrong.

So, that’s us, feels like a see-saw today, T at the top, D at the bottom.

I hope everyone’s had a good day, thanks for reading, comments/RTs/shares welcomed Jx 😘

Chirp little birdies, chirp! Weds 5th June 2013

It was an early start to the day, too early. 4.40am early. No wonder D was tired and irritable tonight.

She has thick linings on her curtains but as soon as the chirping starts, she’s up. I did try the “don’t get up until it’s x o’clock” previously but she would take that literally and not get up if she needed the bathroom…leading to accidents.

She doesn’t tend to settle back down and snooze either, the slightest movement of my arm and one eye opens, a bit like Rudy in Ice Age 3 (but less menacing). The scene when Manny, Sid and Diego think Rudy is all secure and then one eye opens…

Despite the early start, both went in well to their separate schools. One didn’t come out well however…I’d forgotten to put her home-school diary in the bag and she was furious with me! Change of routine. As soon as I saw D’s face I knew what was wrong, bear hug time.

She’s been very similar to a light switch this afternoon and evening, one minute laughing, the next highly irritated by her brother, who in turn has taken offence and been irritated by her.

She has used drawing to self-calm tonight, this is a golden horse, as yet unnamed.

And this is the golden horse tucked up in a trinket box, with a cardboard blanket and pillow. She’s left it up to me to think of a name overnight, the name Goldie has already been rejected.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring a better day and a later start. I hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

Eleven minutes late.. Tuesday 4th June 2013

It’s been a much better day today, T happy this morning because he was going to tea at his Aspergers friend’s house, D happy because of the above! (you’ve got to love that sibling relationship eh?)

(T has a lot of sensory issues around food so I’m always concerned that he won’t eat at someone else’s house. His predominant food stuff is bread and toast, with bovril or jam. No hot foods, no “wet” foods)

So, all boded well for a good day.

D had some reluctance at home time, they’d been practising for sports day and she was tired. A wander home through The Deep Dark Woods spotting sticks, stones and butterflies improved her mood.

More outdoor fun at home, she was able to have fun on the trampoline without T wanting to self-regulate and bounce, she’s definitely enjoyed the D:Mumma 1:1 time.

Her only gripe being that tea (she is an absolute stickler for routine) was 11 minutes late! (She knows that meals are when the big hand is on 12). There were a few moans and a threatened bolt but delays are inevitable occasionally, that’s life.

T came back tired but happy too, having played football with his friend. I’m pleased they’ve gravitated towards each other, I hope their friendship lasts.
They have a shared interest in Skylanders and, of course, Minecraft.

So, clock-gripes aside, it’s been a positive day, comments/RTs/shares welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

Riding that Emotional Rollercoaster Mon 3rd June 2013

This would be us today, or more specifically D.

She bounded into our room this morning looking very happy and smiley and then asked what day it was.

On being told it was Monday, she curled herself into a ball and started crying. She didn’t want to go back to school, she didn’t want to see one particular classmate, she didn’t want to leave me.

This from a child who’d spent the majority of the half-term week missing school. Just once, just for one day (aside from her birthday) I’d like D to have an anxiety-free one, a day where she’s happy and laughing all day. There must be so much anxiety and emotion whirring around, constantly waiting to be triggered.

So, it was a distraction-filled school run, we hunted for cats, birds, flowers, anything to take her mind off our destination.

But then, the switch flicked over. She saw the happy smiling face of her teacher – who has just been the BEST teacher she’s had at her SN school – and my girl was a smiling, flapping, bouncy D, happy to receive a hug from a classmate (no, not that one!) and go in to start her day.

And it was a happy girl (to start with) that I collected. Her mood changed once we’d met up with T – who hadn’t had the best day, he’d been pushed over by another child, sounded like a skirmish for a queue – and, unusually for T, he told me about it as soon as we met him.

Since then, they’ve both been quite volatile with each other, calm one minute and then fiery the next.

But what’s bought them together tonight? That would be Minecraft, their two brown-haired heads together on the sofa, taking suggestions from each other on their “worlds” contained within the app.

I look at them both, giggling away, and feel a bit saddened that it can’t always be like this, but that’s life, that’s parenting autistic children and, even though I’m shattered, I wouldn’t change them.

Hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

Well done T! Sunday 2nd June 2013

Very proud of my little man tonight. As any parent of a child with special needs knows, the day can be fraught with issues and things they’re uncomfortable doing. T’s coped with those and said something that made me so proud of him today.

We had a plan today, another outdoor day to get away from the noise (music etc) from over the fence. It shouldn’t be like that, but it is.

Our plan was a food shop (unfortunately) and then a picnic at the top of the hill with some kite-flying, duck feeding and football. Lots of open space for the children to run around in, without their stranger anxieties kicking in too much (hopefully).

The first part went well, T doing a brilliant job of steering a trolley whilst I pushed D in the buggy, we’ve tried it the other way around and it just doesn’t work. He’ll either inadvertently push the wrong way and she’ll take offence and try to bolt or she’ll protest, eitherway much better the way it happened today.

We didn’t make it to the hill for lunch, two hungry tummies meant we had a picnic in Costa and I could have a mocha …. such a hardship for me!

And then the park and space…wonderful open space:

We fed the ducks, who didn’t seem that grateful tbh, not that I was expecting a thank-you!

The Canada geese family were more appreciative. Lovely little goslings, with very protective parents. One “honk” from a goose parent if a dog was nearby and they were off!

There were a few bolts from D: we couldn’t go into our “usual” hill because there were quite a few strangers on there and she got scared; she saw T’s friend with his family in an unfamiliar setting (the playground) and then she got worried that T wouldn’t let her play football with him. Quite a few bear hugs and she was calm enough for me to ask T if she could join in.

So happy that my little man agreed, his friend had come over by then (who has aspergers) so the three of them were in a triangle, passing the ball to each other. It was wonderful to watch. D had a go at letting the bounce and then kicking it, she missed a few times (her co-ordination can let her down sometimes) but she had a go:

Inevitably the three of them wanted to play Minecraft, they all huddled together around D’s I pad and watched T constructing something.

T was told to “put in brackets “you’re not allowed in this world D”" and he replied quite matter of factly and calmly “no, it’s D’s I pad”. I could not have been prouder of him for answering calmly without huffing and recognising that D would have been upset if he had done that.

And this tree? I set him a challenge of shooting the ball through the middle, it took him three shots but, as he enjoys that sort of challenge, he’d have stayed for as long as it took, taking shots.

There have been a few anxieties from D tonight over returning to school tomorrow, we’ll be using the “worry bag” in the morning if need be but our two outdoor days have definitely helped.

I hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

Let’s Go Fly A Kite! Sat 1st June 2013

A very emotional D woke up this morning, she’d spent the majority of last week feeling upset because she was missing the routine of school and now, with the return to school on Monday, she was getting anxious about that.

Ever since D has been in the Joseph production at school, she’s sung a particular song to demonstrate her feelings – Close Every Door To Me – and that’s how this morning started. Lots of tears, lots of anxiety, lots of wanting to “destroy” herself.

So, a distraction was in order, something that would appeal to both T and D, something healthy, fun and active.

We decided to go and fly a kite in the field near us, but having a wander through the glorious woods that are literally on our doorstep first.

The woods are used a lot by dog-walkers and we have to time it right for that reason. D has a severe stranger anxiety and, ever since the dog next door attacked our previous cat, they both have a (justifiable) fear of dogs too. For that reason, early mornings/afternoons are out for a good ramble. Today, we timed it just right.

Going over the stile and into the woods:

Heading off down the paths:

Stopping to admire yellow flowers on a bush:

Who lives in a hole like this (in a Lloyd Grossman voice)?

Having a pit-stop:

Arriving at the field…yippee! Space and no other people, ideal for T and D:

Flying the kite:

And there had to be some football from T:

He wore himself out!

A successful trip, the fresh air blasted away those anxieties and did us all good.

Both much more relaxed this afternoon.
There will still be school on Monday – and no doubt anxieties beforehand – but it was good to see them both smiling and laughing.

I hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

A Play Date Friday 31st May 2013

It’s always a concern arranging a play date when you’re an autism parent, isn’t it? That’s if your child is lucky enough to receive an invitation to one.

There’s so much to consider: taking their cup/bottle for drinks because they won’t drink out of any other; ditto snacks in their specific container; distraction tools if things don’t go too well, their comforter (which generally will not be shared or be allowed to be touched by anyone else) and patience, lots of patience, empathy and bear hugs.

Link all this with the fact that the play date is with another child on the spectrum and there is the potential for situations to change at the flick of a switch.

But, do you know what? It was okay. It was more than okay.

There were a couple of little situations but, that’s to be expected and easily resolved. It’s always nice to chat to someone who knows your fears for your children’s future, who’s having their own battles with “the system”, who understands.

And the boys? They found Minecraft on the computer!

Speaking of Minecraft, D was constructing a structure this morning. I could hear her commentating as she was doing it “..and D put some more bricks on top etc etc”. It reminded me of how T commentates when he’s bouncing and self-regulating on the trampoline.

My two, bless them, are more similar with their traits than I realise.

It’s been a long week, this half term. The weather hasn’t helped matters when you have a child who regulates himself by being outside. Wouldn’t be without them though.

I am really looking forward to one of these next week:

And this…

I hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares as ever welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

Mushy Moments and Minecraft! Thurs 30th May 2013

I’ll start with the “mushy moments”, it’s mine and Hubbie’s wedding anniversary today (13 years together to the day and 11 years married), I wrote a poem this morning – click here to read it – which made him cry!

Our day started off with cards etc and D, being the logical girl that she is, wondered why Hubbie had just wrote “J” on my card’s envelope and not my full first name and then said “Dad, you shown have just written Mum if it was easier!”

She enjoyed opening the envelopes and reading out all the words, bless her!

Anniversary flowers, apparently it’s meant to be steel for 11 years but I definitely prefer these:

D and T have got on better today, playing hide and seek during the gaps in rain showers and taking turns at Minecraft.

D is not too keen on the “creepers” – monsters that come out at night on the game – but unusually T respects this and always switches to something else before this happens.

I have to confess, when T asked for this app to be added, I didn’t know what it was. Part of me thought it was to do with Battleships – no idea why!) and I thought it was mines like blowing-up-things.

This is some information about Minecraft:

“Minecraft is a game about breaking and placing blocks. At first, people built structures to protect against nocturnal monsters, but as the game grew players worked together to create wonderful, imaginative things.
It can also be about adventuring with friends or watching the sun rise over a blocky ocean. It’s pretty. Brave players battle terrible things in The Nether, which is more scary than pretty. You can also visit a land of mushrooms if it sounds more like your cup of tea.”

T and D have only got so far as building structures but they’re doing it together, taking turns, making suggestions and all in a good-natured way. As Karen @ManicMippisMum said ” I think it must appeal as it’s so cause and effect. I approve as it seems constructive over destructive.”

And I couldn’t agree more, anything that encourages sharing, working together and cause and effect is fab in my book.

D’s also been focused on making this today and apparently “she’s not old, even though she has grey hair”. The skirt is from a Hama beads princess that I spent blooming ages making one year and it hides her lolly stick legs. No name yet but grey-haired princess has accompanied Bunny into the inner sanctum this evening.

With mutterings about where have the last 11 years gone, I’ll raise a glass and say I hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘