Agitations are us Tues 18th June 2013

It’s been a mixed day today. It started too early with D awake from 430am, my head is pounding just remembering that!

T has been very agitated about something I blogged about earlier, an avoidable mix-up over a football session booking and this has effected how he’s been this morning and tonight.

Couple that with D’s tiredness and it’s felt like this:

Sometimes a situation has resolved itself quickly and fizzled out, at other times it’s been a full blown stomp, shout and potential meltdown scenario.

I love them both so much but the “there is no grey, only black and white” aspect of their characters can be very hard work at times. It means that situations can sometimes remain unresolved because of their refusal to listen to rationale.

I guess the extreme muggy weather has not helped.

Not even Minecraft has brought them together tonight.

But…

I got a massive running body slam from D at home time.

Hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares as ever welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

Football, Facebook and Mr Pick

We have an anxious little man this week, T aka Mr Pick.

Football is quite simply his life, he’s lived and breathed it from the time he could focus on a television screen and once he could kick a ball, he was off!

It’s his obsession and his calming mechanism. Every Tuesday you can guarantee the first question he’ll ask me is “did Match come?” – a football magazine that he subscribes to. It is literally devoured, assuming it’s arrived on time, for stats, news and pictures. If it hasn’t arrived, he’s extremely disappointed and wants to ask our postman why.

As well as being a stat-man about his football, he’s also a good little player, a left-footed defender/midfielder and, is very tactical and knows in advance when to get into position.

We were really pleased to find out that Chelsea and Samsung would be running free coaching sessions at our local Goals Centre twice this year, once in a couple of weeks, once in October.

One problem though, it was Facebook bookings only and …guess who’s not on Facebook? Yep, that would be me. The Goals Centre were quite frankly useless about it, all they could suggest was Googling the event as they didn’t know timings, bookings anything.

Eventually I found an email contact and although T’s football manager had advised us there would be a football tournament in the morning, the afternoon would be free. Correspondence started with regard to an afternoon session booking. There were no spaces in the afternoon but still spaces in the morning but T was happy to be going along, soaking up the atmosphere and hopefully slotting in if there was a no-show.

Then the bombshell. The manager had got the timings wrong, he hadn’t bothered double-checking. The tournament was exactly in the afternoon. T frustrated but as there had been spaces in the morning, I fired off another email on Saturday and we waited for a reply.

You can guess where this is going…. All the remaining spaces have now been taken. Had the manager got the timings correct in the first place, T would have been booked on and eagerly looking forward to attending.

But right now, he’s upset and very anxious. For an autistic child that needs to know exactly what is happening and when, this is causing him problems. There is nothing I can say to put it right, apart from promising that we’ll go on the morning and hope that there is a no-show.

T is offering all sorts of scenarios and rationale as to why would people book and then not show up.

I can’t make it any easier for him and with ten days until the sessions, I can see him getting more and more anxious.

Part of me is absolutely furious that the manager didn’t bother to double-check timings and just assumed it would be the morning. I did double-check with him before I started emailing about sessions and that’s what he stuck by, until he found out otherwise.

Part of me feels guilty that I’m not on Facebook because I could instantly have seen which sessions were still available. A Facebook thingy would mean I could enter competitions, see more information about events and reach more people but I still don’t want to, I’ve seen the screenshots of pages verbally attacking autistic people and encouraging physical attacks.

So, we’re counting down and I’m really hoping that there will be a no-show at one of the sessions, there will be one disappointed Mr Pick if there isn’t.

Rosettes! Monday 17th June 2013

Exciting times, both D and T have their school sports day next week. Fortunately not on the same day, at the same time. Always a worry when you have two children in two different schools (20 minutes walk apart).

D’s house colour is yellow, for Tigers. So, my challenge today has been finding her a tshirt that she’ll wear and that will be delivered in time for next week.

This will fit the bill nicely:

(And, being a meanie Mumma for a moment, she can be a bit of an Angry Bird at times.)

They’ve been doing preparation for the events in both their schools. In D’s case, it’s been both physical preparation and within lessons. This afternoon they made rosettes.

D loves drawing and crafting so this was an ideal lesson for her, she not only made a rosette for herself but for her teacher and the 3 TAs too. Each had an individual design – flower, clouds, rainbow and sunshine. The staff were all wearing their rosettes when I collected her and all looked very pleased to be wearing them too.

D said to me on the way out “I’m so proud of me, making those for everyone”. I couldn’t have put it better myself, if only people who refuse to accept her autism and anxieties could see her this afternoon, a very good-natured, generous child who didn’t have to make rosettes for everyone but chose to.

I said to her this evening whilst we had a cuddle “do you know how much I love you?” and she’ll normally answer with “to the moon, Saturn and Jupiter and back”, tonight she answered “really much”. That would be true.

So, even though it’s only Monday, it’s gone well. I hope everyone’s had a good one, comments/RTs/shares as ever welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

Happy Fathers Day Mr Bluecrisps! Sun 16th June 2013

Fathers Day in the UK – a day that has been overrun by commercialism but an opportunity for dads everywhere to be appreciated and receive cards like these:

The top one made by T, with a little certificate inside and T’s perceptions of his dad’s good points and (which was lovely) a little note thanking him for always taking T to football.

The other card made by D, it’s an alien. Some lovely writing from D inside, she does find writing very difficult so cards/little notes are very special.

Mr Bluecrisps adored them both and I think there was a teeny manly tear in his eye.

We went into town today for lunch and it was busy for a Sunday. D attracting quite a few stares, Hubbie noticing them more than me, I’m a tough old boot!

D loves going into the Swarovski shop in town, I did used to worry she’d be a bit “bull in a china shop” but the majorly of pieces are behind display cabinets and, having an immense liking for shiny things, she likes to look at them all.

She’s currently saving up her chores money for this:

The cutest little (fragile) Kris bear, I do have concerns about its fragility but I think she would more-than-likely carry it around in her handbag, in its box.

T was very pleased, he managed to find his football magazine AND have a quick play on some football apps in the Apple Store, there is a definite theme with T, bless him!

Two settling and happy children tonight, one happy Hubbie. A good day.

I hope everyone’s day has gone well, comments/RTs/shares as ever welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

Working out “The Colour” Sat 15th June 2013

I have a confession to make…
Up until today, we’d never watched “Trooping The Colour” or even known what it signified.

That changed today. Ever since last year’s Jubilee celebrations and when she went to see the Olympic torch, D has had a bit of a passion for ceremonies and our Queen.

She really enjoyed watching all the horses, the guards, the musicians…. everything this morning and – whilst we sat together during the first bits – would physically turn my head to make sure I was definitely watching too.

Every time the Queen was in shot, she’d say “look Mumma, there’s Elizabeth” and “there’s a horse, there’s another horse etc”. Bless her, my little bouncy, flappy Royalist.

For those who don’t know what “The Colour” was, I wiki-ed it:

“Trooping the Colour is a ceremony performed by regiments of the British and Commonwealth armies. It has been a tradition of British infantry regiments since the 17th century, although the roots go back much earlier.

On battlefields, a regiment’s colours, or flags, were used as rallying points. Consequently, regiments would have their ensigns slowly march with their colours between the soldiers’ ranks to enable soldiers to recognise their regiments’ colours.

Since 1748 Trooping the Colour has also marked the official birthday of the British sovereign. It is held in London annually on a Saturday in June on Horse Guards Parade by St. James’s Park, and coincides with the publication of the Birthday Honours List.

The Queen travels down The Mall from Buckingham Palace in a royal procession with a sovereign’s escort of Household Cavalry (mounted troops or horse guards). After receiving a royal salute, she inspects her troops of the Household Division, both foot guards and horse guards, and the King’s Troop, Royal Horse Artillery.

Each year, one of the foot-guards regiments is selected to troop its colour through the ranks of guards. Then the entire Household Division assembly conducts a march past the Queen, who receives a salute from the saluting base. Parading with its guns, the King’s Troop takes precedence as the mounted troops perform a walk-march and trot-past.”

The rest of the day has been quite uneventful compared to that.

It’s strange, D doesn’t really “get” traditional humour and there’s very few DVDs she will watch outside her safety zone of Madagascar/Rio/Ice Age but one thing she will watch and really laugh at is The Goodies. Slapstick comedy from the 70′s which we have on DVD. Her, T and Hubbie have sat there laughing away at the (very familiar) sketches.

A good day for all – T’s team won their game this morning btw – and crossing-fingers for a Happy Fathers Day tomorrow. D is very excited about it, here’s my earlier post.

I hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares as ever welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

Clowning around Friday 14th June 2013

It has been a positive end to the week, very welcomed!

D’s school had a visit from a clown today, arranged by a charity. It sounds like all the children had a really good time with balloon animals, gentle circus tricks and, no doubt, lots of slapstick.

It’s funny because I remember going to a children’s birthday party where the same clown was about 13 years ago, it’s certainly the same name. Maybe clowns – as entertainers – don’t really retire? Anyway, there were lots of smiling children being led out of school, carrying their balloon concoctions, proudly wearing their clown face stickers so all was well.

D’s happy mood has continued this evening – apart from when I asked her to tidy away the paper she manages to get everywhere whilst crafting – lots of little giggles.

T’s day on-the-whole has gone well. On the one hand, he’s very pleased it’s Friday and tomorrow brings a football match, on the other, Friday brings swimming with a 20-minute walking bus each way to the swimming pool after lunch. Coincidentally the pool is next to D’s school but as I’m not allowed to pick him up from there, he has to walk back to his school.

So, two tired but happy children tonight. Hopefully there’ll be some sunshine over the weekend for D to try out her tennis rackets.

Here’s today’s earlier post (click to read), all about parental guilt trips!

I hope everyone’s had a good end to the week, comments/RTs/shares as ever welcomed, thanks for reading Jx

Letting the guilt out

I’ve decided to join in with a Parental Guilt linky with @mrboosmum to offload a few guilt-trip moments that have been burbling around. It’s something that is ever present with parenting, I wonder if it ever leaves us?

What is guilt?

Here’s a definition:
* the fact of having committed a specified or implied offence or crime:
it is the duty of the prosecution to prove the prisoner’s guilt

*a feeling of having committed wrong or failed in an obligation:
he remembered with sudden guilt the letter from his mother that he had not yet read

I first became a parent just over 19 years ago and whilst I haven’t “committed a specified or implied offence or crime”, I can empathise totally with the “feeling of having committed wrong or failed in an obligation”.

Boy, does that feeling increase when your children are diagnosed with special needs. Even though I believe 100% that my children’s autism is caused by genetics, that doesn’t stop the guilt – after all, they’re MY genetics.

(Looking back I can see definite traits in my father)

But other factors may have played a part too:

I was commuting to London whilst pregnant with T, long days, early starts and I would end up trying to catch up with emails at the weekend, at the same time as planning a wedding (in Jersey) and running a home. I always remember one “gentleman” shoving past me and ramming his briefcase past my visibly pregnant belly. Of course, T was cushioned but it didn’t stop me worrying until the next check-up.

Six days before D was born, I fell up our back steps, landing on my tummy. We rushed to the maternity ward and were monitored. D’s heart rate was very very high and for a while, unless she calmed, there was a very real possibility of an emergency c-section. Could that have affected her brain whilst inside me? Is that why she was diagnosed at the “severe” end whilst T is high-functioning?

Speaking of T, it was not until D was diagnosed and following a greater understanding of the spectrum, that we realised/accepted that T had traits. Had had from a very early age. Some affecting his diet, his routine, his life.

Yet, I “sat on the fence” until last Christmas, not wanting to take it further. Tears of relief when he was diagnosed in April, I thought we’d be told we were imagining it and rubbish parents.

Which leads me onto the most rubbishy-rubbish bit: I couldn’t produce milk for any of my children, don’t know why. I felt a failure, unnatural. It just didn’t happen. My (bigger-chested) sisters were the proverbial milk-machines following their babies so, why not me? Even though I’d done the home-births, I couldn’t face the NCT classes with a changing bag of bottles.

D loved to drink milk and still does occasionally. Plain milk and plain water. She would always ask for a bottle after nursery as they wouldn’t let her use a bottle. She wasn’t diagnosed then, they went by their rules, insisting that she drink from a cup – she didn’t have the control to hold one at that time – and join in with unstructured play.

She couldn’t cope with the mainstream environment, it was too noisy, too busy. She couldn’t tell me at the time how she felt, she does sometimes now. Severe guilt that she went through that but, until she was statemented, we couldn’t get her into a special needs school. The result was a happier child from the very first day.

I try not to dwell in the past or think too far ahead. There’s no point. I look at grandparents pushing their buggies around proudly and wonder if I’ll ever be doing that, will our children grow up and leave home, establish relationships, become independent? I don’t know but I feel guilty for wondering.

I DO know something though…blogging is very therapeutic.

Then I worry that I’m doing it too much/not enough/could be doing more for awareness and acceptance of autism/wishing I’d got further than shortlisting in the BiBs/not liking the (necessary) self-promotion but hoping that every post will help society accept my beautiful daughter and handsome son, who are reliant on me, their Mumma to get the message out there.

A bit of prep Thurs 13th June 2013

Ssssh! Another good day for both T and D but I don’t want to jinx anything.

Mega proud of D tonight, she’s been doing some little secret bits and pieces for Fathers Day on Sunday, I can’t say any more because the recipient is always poised at 9pm to read this *waves*.

One of her tasks has involved writing, something she’s done voluntarily today, something she always finds difficult, something I’m extremely proud of her for taking on.

There will be more activity gift-wise in both D and T’s classes tomorrow, be interesting to see what they both come home with.

T’s nemesis seems to have left him alone today, which I’m relieved about. It’s a fine line between wanting to let your inner Lioness out to roar in defence of your child, but also being aware that sometimes they need to deal with it themselves – in this case, hopefully ignoring will do the trick.

D had music this morning for her first lesson, they were singing “The Animals went in two by two etc..” (to the Ark) and she’s been virtually singing it non-stop this evening, it’s very nice to hear her happy, although a tad repetitive.

Crossing fingers that it will be three days in a row tomorrow, but if it’s not, two have been just fab!

Hope everyone’s had a good day, comments/RTs/shares welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

No more battles with a rain-cover, thanks to a @bundlebean

Rain-covers on a buggy and D do not mix.

From a very early age, she would start screaming as soon as a rain-cover was put over the buggy and literally carry on for the length of the journey. Highly stressful for me, for her and for anyone within earshot. Now, of course, I realise she had considerable anxiety and sensory issues over her perception that she was being placed in a plastic bubble, a place where she couldn’t see or hear properly, a place which was noisy due to the rain.

So, it’s been a challenge. As soon as she was old enough, we moved to an umbrella, but then had the issue of her not holding it over herself, of the wind blowing it away, off her refusing to use it if she didn’t feel like it.

Now that she’s older, the rain-covers are still refused but she will hold an umbrella and curl up underneath it as obviously her lower half was still getting wet and, more importantly to her, Bunny could get wet too.

What was a Mumma to do? The weather is so changeable so quickly in this country.

The answer came in the form of a BundleBean, a 5-in-1 waterproof and warm travel cover.

Designed by Emily and suitable from birth, it can be used with:
Bike seats
Car seats
Buggies and strollers
Slings and carriers
and for
Picnics and Playtime.

Now, I know you’re thinking: “hang on a minute, D is 9…how would this accommodate her?”

Take a look at these pictures, yes, we tested the BundleBean in the wind and rain, with both special needs buggies:

We can confirm it is waterproof!

D is 143cm tall and it more than covered her legs, the side ties meant that I could fasten it to the buggy securely too. She loved the stars pattern on the front and the fleece back, it made it very warm and snuggly for her. She was delighted to find that there was a pouch pocket at the front, perfect for the small things and likes to carry around with her.

The cover is very adaptable to fit around a smaller child’s bike seat/car seat/buggy/sling and here’s how:

The BundleBean is going to make our school runs and journeys out so much easier, it’s a huge recommendation from me.

Bunny enjoys having a tea party with D on it too!

Click here for a list of UK and International stockists, or here to purchase directly from the website, prices start at £29.99.

Disclaimer: we were sent a Red Star blanket for the purpose of this review.

A bodyslam day! Weds 12th June 2013

It’s not that often I’ve been able to say this recently but….

D has had a BRILLIANT day!

From the school run (after we’d dropped off T) where we saw friendly cats, she then positively bounced into class to the massive body slam I received at home time and the happy, positive mood she’s been in tonight, it’s been lovely.

(I can’t remember the last time I received a body slam when collecting her, so it took me by surprise albeit very welcomed!)

She’s (I’m drafting this at 745pm) doing some colouring before she settles and every so often, she’ll sing a little bit from a Joseph song.

I wish I could bottle this good day and intravenously pass it back to her when she’s having a not-so-good one.

T’s had a on-the-whole good day too.

There is a boy in the year above who verbally digs at him (always outside school, never in) about his choice of football team and sometimes T verbally reacts, as he’s so passionate about “the beautiful game”.

Something to keep an eye on but he’s now aware that individuals usually bully due to their own insecurities.

Always difficult this pre-teen time isn’t it? But, apart from that incident, he’s had a good day.

So, we’ll see what tomorrow brings, I wouldn’t like to predict anything!

I hope everyone’s day has gone well, comments/RTs/shares as ever welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘