Thursday 7th June

A much better day, phew. Despite the weather!

D woke up singing songs, which was lovely. She does her interpretation of the lyrics, which is funny, but you know that if she’s awake and either singing or reading, she’s ok. It’s when she opens one eye and hits you (as she has done before) or just stares with blank but angry eyes that makes you want to reverse away…slowly.

Anyway, the weather has restricted us to indoor activities but, for the first time this week (and probably since Saturday), she’s felt relaxed enough to do some drawings. Her drawings are always brilliant with lots of detail and it’s only when she has been drawing today – that I realised that she hadn’t been previously (if you know what I mean), here are a couple:

Butterfly watch – day 7:
Not a great deal new happening today, they’re all eating and moving about, still like slow motion bumper cars! Here’s today’s picture, I hope it shows Fred’s new hairiness!

Aiming for a peaceful night overnight and morning tomorrow as she has her appointment at the Eye Clinic, they’re going to be checking the movement & tracking of her eyes after a terrible eye test at an opticians. The optician rushed her, didn’t take into account any anxieties and was just really cross with her. I’ve prepared her for tomorrow, with incentives (!) so I just hope nerves and anxieties don’t overtake tomorrow.

So…that’s us. Hope everyone’s had a good day. Comments/RTs as ever welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 😘

Letting the mask slip..

From the age of about 12 years old, I’ve worn a “mask”, initially influenced by peer pressure, music and people in the public eye.

Every day, without fail, the mask goes on – the mascara, the eye liner, the lipstick. Concealer too but not foundation so the “mask” has never been a thick one.

When you become a parent, the “mask” is done more rapidly, it becomes lower down on your morning routine but is still accomplished.

When you found out that one of your children has special needs, the “mask” has an addition – sunglasses. They cover up any tears from meetings with health/school professionals. You can put them on and no-one can tell what’s happening underneath.

Last Friday the morning routine was not going well. D was not co-operating and little things that she would do at the first request were taking four or five requests. She was tired, it was the end of her week but it made those few minutes before we had to leave quite frantic. Eventually we left for two school
drop offs and I went to town to pick up some shopping.

It was only when I glanced in a mirror in Starbucks, that I realised that the “mask” was not complete, no eyeliner! Cue inward thoughts similar to that of “The Scream” portrait:

Initial panic thoughts were replaced with “I didn’t bring anything with me” and then I realised no-one had run away screaming, no-one had looked at me as if to say “how dare she be out like that”, my “mask” had slipped in public and it was…okay.

I sat and drank my coffee, then headed off for a nursery pick-up feeling liberated, I could have gone and bought another eye-liner and put it on, but didn’t feel the need to.

The eyeliner was firmly put on before the school runs later though!

Thanks for reading Jx 😘