Saturday 31st March

After it felt like continuous meltdowns since Wednesday, I got my D back today.

I guess it was the busier Wednesday and Thursday, coupled with the end of term activities and excitement at school that just completely threw her. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

The menfolk went off to football so D and I have done what she wanted to do:
Building blocks – this was a house for Bunny:

and making Easter nest cakes:

She won’t eat them but it was fun to do.

I saw my D so happy tonight, she was watching a Harry Hill programme (best of TV burp 23) and she could say exactly what was coming next with a particular segment. The penguins. She was laughing and flapping. We had to watch this particular bit three times!

Might have to keep that show on the planner for a while!

I know she’s had a better day because (penguins aside), it’s been quiet but she did need it, definitely.

As ever, RTs & comments welcomed, hope you’ve had a good day too Jx 

I love you just the way you are…

With thanks to Billy Joel (I think) for the title..

Sometimes I like to window shop. I’m sure we all do it, check out things we can’t afford…that “ooh, wouldn’t that be nice for..” and then you remember the gas bill, council tax etc and walk away.

I was in Monsoon yesterday and saw a girl’s dress in a very similar style to one I already have. Long, pink, crepe fabric with beading etc and for just a micro-second I considered buying it for D, common-sense prevailed and I didn’t.

I can tell you the last time she wore a dress – November 3rd, at a wedding blessing. The one she was too nervous to attend. The one where every time she sat down, there were feet everywhere and I spent most of my time covering her back up (my blog post “She remembers the breakfast”).

I’m never going to have a daughter who wears Princess outfits (like this one):

those materials irritate her skin, same as wool “too itchy” apparently.

She has problems with buttons and fastenings too. She has not got the dexterity to do up or undo them. Zips are okay if someone has already done the bottom bit.

So D lives in leggings, t-shirts and long-sleeved tshirts. Nice stretchy fabrics that don’t scratch or itch and enable her some personal care privacy. Fortunately there is not a strict uniform code at her SN school so she wears her usual clothes.
In mainstream, I tried all sorts of uniform connotations but was never happy that she was comfortable.

Summer time is much the same. Leggings that have been worn at the knee get turned into shorts by my MIL.

So, that’s my daughter, she’s comfortable, her skin is not irritated and she’s covered up and that’s fine by me.

As ever comments/RTs welcomed. Thanks for reading Jx 

Friday 30th March

Having spent most of the last two days having meltdowns, D stayed true to form and had one before school. Unfortunately poor T got caught in the crossfire and got hurt. It’s so hard when one of your children hurts the other. I need to split myself into two sometimes.

I need to work on some sort of strategies for T to recognise the signs and just…get out the way basically! He cares so much for her, he’s a very protective big (well, 18 months older but she’s taller) brother, I don’t want him to resent her.

She had a good day at school (ish), didn’t want to join in the Easter singing and assembly and they didn’t force her.

She had a grump whilst I was brushing her hair and looked at me with such a blank expression when I’d finished – there was no love there or even anger, she really dislikes having her hair brushed but won’t have it short – that’s boys hair apparently.

We heard today that one of Hubbie’s relatives had passed away, not unexpected but still very sad. We’ve told T, but not D. We raised a quiet glass of wine to absent friends at dinner.

With everything that happened today, I completely forgot to buy a paper to see if the article for World Autism Day is in there, will do tomorrow.

Thanks for new follows today, much appreciated. All helping to spread awareness of this “invisible disability” – especially with World Autism Day on Monday.

Comments/RTs as ever welcomed, thanks for reading Jx 

Thursday 29th March

D went in very very well to school today, best ever. Went over that carpet strip by herself and bounced into the room. Reason being? She wanted to show the TAs a new Bunny toy. Same size as old Bunny, dressed in a tutu. Same name too: Bunny. So now she carries two Bunnies around with her – double the fun! Will get a picture of them when D puts them down!

She unfortunately did not come out in the same happy mood. She had been doing “HARD WORK”, this is what I got shouted all the way home. She would not or could not, tell me what the hard work was but it didn’t go down well. This is why I wonder sometimes why she’s in with children who are nearly two years ago…yes intellectually they might think she can cope, but emotionally…

This unhappy mood continued at home. The slightest thing upsetting her and prompting stomps, shouting and door slamming. T stayed out of her way today.

She calmed down once Mr H and Mr O had gone home and the men had gone to football training, just me and her. I got my D back.

She “helped” me clean out the guinea pigs, I use the word loosely but, in the right mood, she will pass things that are needed etc. Having the pets to focus on definitely calms her – future blog post maybe.

Tonight’s bath was accompanied by her tiny baby doll (who she rarely plays with) – here it is being force-fed a french stick!!

So – all in all – good start, rotten middle, nice end to the day. That’s my D, that’s autism for you.

I did a post earlier on updates for what I’ve been doing for World Autism Day, please have a read.

Comments/RTs as ever welcomed, hope your day has gone okay Jx 

A quick World Autism Awareness Day update from me

It’s been a while since I did my original post (“An idea for World Autism Day”), so here’s a quick update.

I never heard back from the manager of the Shopping Centre – not even an acknowledgement email. I phoned twice and emailed twice more and nothing…..extremely rude I thought. Wasn’t going to pursue it further, they obviously weren’t interested.

I have dropped leaflets into local shops near me, naturally my local Costa is one of them! All happy to display leaflets, they are know me and D by sight/name anyway. It’s a friendly precinct.

Now the biggie:
There is an article coming out in our local paper tomorrow, featuring D and I. I will try and post a link. No idea what it’s going to say, we did it all by phone and I sent the journalist some blog posts which I’d done. Part of me is incredibly nervous and thinking my daughter hasn’t asked for this etc but the fact that they’ve agreed to do this, and reference World Autism Day can only be good.

There was meant to be someone else publishing something too but I’m not sure when that is.

I spent a lot of time weekend before last emailing parenting magazines and referencing my blog. One came back straight away and said “we don’t accept unsolicited work” – how on earth do you get in there then? and another were interested and gave me another address so we shall see….

So..that’s what I’ve been up to….roll on Monday!

Happy for comments/RTs etc and have a nice day Jx 😘

Wednesday 28th March

Today started off well…but it didn’t last.

D went into class very well today, just the one TA coaxing her to go in instead of the (sometimes physically get her through the door with) two TAs. I found out (in a roundabout way) that her teacher has been off all week, so much for communication!

On a Wednesday pm, she has to walk home so I usually distract her with an ice-cream. This focuses her away from passers-by and I can put one arm round her and the other pushes the (full) double buggy and we take it slow, but steady.

Today just went wrong, the ice-cream I’d brought from the freezer (trying to save a bit of money) was not a 99-flake and very melty. Lots of moans from D about walking.

She & T squabbled and scrapped a lot at home, resulting in several meltdowns from D and a blow to her brother. I did ask them both if they forgave each other after the final outburst and had to use my “stern” voice which D definitely does not like.

In the bath tonight, she was very negative “I don’t want to be a girl, I want to die” etc. This all stemmed from her being “told off” as she eventually told me. I knew, it’s happened before. This is why I am usually calm, consistent and at her level but when she deliberately hurts someone else, I do ask her to apologise – once she has calmed down.

I don’t like to do a moany blog and always try to end positively, tonight is the exception.

(deep breath)..tomorrow is another day.
Comments/RTs as ever welcomed Jx 

Tuesday 27th March

Some reluctance from D going into school this morning but, with the aid of a TA she went in. Very concerned that she would have Bunny with her all day, her security element.

I had a reply from Channel 4 today on the upcoming “The Undateables” programme – it’s on the blog post if you’d like a read. My views on this still haven’t changed, I find the title and the advertising very offensive and to those people that replied saying that the participants knew exactly what they were doing…really? I do hope they have been prepared both emotionally and psychologically for any public backlash to this programme – good and bad. Seeing this programme being listed in next weeks TV listings really got to me and the timing is really off – day after World Autism Day. I need to shake this mood off and focus on positives. Thanks to everyone who RTd and commented on the updated blog.

D was playing in the playground when I got to her school, delighted to see me and when she came out ten minutes later, it was “Mumma, I saw you, you’re here!”

She played with Mr O after school, he seems more tolerant of her now, he’s 4.

I had to get Hubbie to take a picture of D and I to send off for something happening around World Autism Day, it took ages as she would not look at camera. End result not ideal but it will have to do.

Hope you’ve all had a good day, comments/RTs as ever welcomed Jx


Tonight’s picture is something D wanted me to buy yesterday, already discarded. That’s the fickle finger of Autism for you. It was only £1.99..

Monday 26th March

Poor D was off school today. Annoying tickly dry cough that we all have, plus a slight temperature (she’s prone to convulsions so I always keep her off for that alone) and a skin reaction on arms and face – poor thing!

She was very pleased to be off, with her Mumma.

We dropped T off at school and then popped to the shops. Ideal time as not very busy. She chose this from our local Cargo:

Costa was a different story, very very busy and full of staring people. D spent a lot of the time getting on and off my lap and generally smothering me but did eventually settle with some Angry Birds Space on Mr Paddie:

She had to come with me to pick up Mr O from mainstream nursery, I purposefully got there late in the hope that there wouldn’t be too many people about. Wrong! They choose today to open the doors late. LOADS of parents waiting. First she wanted to come in, then she got scared and wanted to go back out and be in her sanctuary, her buggy. Lots of stares and as she was making a bit of noise, a few comments too. If I’d thought to put a few leaflets in my bag, I would have handed them out. She’s in a special needs buggy for a reason. (good point to refer to my “Does this buggy cause offence?” post on here, I guess.

Anyway….she played well with Mr O, better than I thought she would, to be honest.

After school run to pick up T, D decided she wanted to do some writing. I LOVE it when she writes anything – her name etc. It’s usually a mixture of upper and lower but anything like that, wonderful.

She showed Hubbie and I when she’d finished: a whole page with “I love D**** C*****” – obviously her whole name. The phrase “it’s all about me” sprung to mind!

Squabbling with T aside, a good evening. Tonight’s last picture is an exhausted cat – she’s obviously had a very hard day!

Comments/RTs as ever welcome Jx 

“Touch” and inter-connections

I watched the first episode of “Touch” last night, new episodes in UK are Tuesday evenings, on Sky One.

I was interested in seeing it from the previews, which described the child, Jake, as mute and having been misdiagnosed with severe autism.

Kiefer Sutherland plays the father of Jake and his character’s love for Jake and frustrations at not being able to communicate shine through. As the Mumma of an autistic child who is verbal (apart from moments of extreme anxiety or stress), I cannot imagine how parenting a non-verbal child is. Anyone that does – in fact every special need parent – has my admiration and respect.

I became fascinated by the inter-connection of numbers during last night’s programme, cannot wait for the next episode. Really interested to see how this is carried forward with the grumpy speech therapist character.

The whole programme set me thinking last night and I remembered something which had been dormant for years.

When I was first married to C’s father (first husband) before we had C, we saw a fortune teller on a beachside pier. All crystal ball and reading your palms, paying with notes not coins though!

I went in, not giving anything away but obviously as I was wearing a wedding ring, she spoke of “one child, maybe two more” and also that “within 18 months you would be living in a cul de sac”.

For my (then) husband, she spoke of eventually having his own business.

By the time we were married, I had already had one miscarriage and went on to have another one before successfully carrying C so I always presumed that was the “one child, maybe two more”. Little did I know!!

I didn’t move into a cul de sac but we have a curvy service road at the back of the house. I guess it depends what you want to believe. I spent 16 years in my house before moving – just before D came along.

I do know of someone who went to see a fortune teller whilst she was married to husband number two, who got told she would marry for the third time! I guess if you’re told something like that and unhappy anyway, it might influence your thinking. She didn’t marry again by the way – as yet!

So.. Yes, I did have the one plus two and I’m sort of in a cul de sac and very happily married to Hubbie (number two) – long may it continue!

Whatever influences who we are, how we do things, I don’t know but really interested to see how the “Touch” series progresses.

I perceive the “Touch” title not to be about Jake not wanting to be “touched” but more about the “butterfly effect” – how one small event can set off a chain of other events and all the people effected are inter-connected and touched by an invisible link.

Comments/RTs as ever welcomed Jx 

Sunday 25th March

If you haven’t seen my earlier post today about Thames Valley Adventure Playground, please have a look. It’s an area solely for special needs families and is wonderful.

I didn’t realise until I’d posted the pictures that you can play spot-D’s-beloved-Bunny in virtually every picture! Just goes to show how precious it is to her.

Anyway, on with our day:

After all the excitement of yesterday, today was a quiet one at home. Poor D woke up with the horrible dry cough that the rest of us have had and her skin on her face and arms have also reacted to something from yesterday. Not sure what, she was playing in the sand yesterday or – more likely – it’s the soap in the Playground’s toilets.

So, a day of drawing from her, of playing outside with her brother, T:

A couple of dodgy moments on the trampoline resulting in stomping up to her room, but quickly resolved.

Something to make you smile, with the windows being open today, one of the cats has been using them as a rather high catflap. Here’s Bitsey looking …daft!!

Comments/RTs as ever welcomed, I hope you’ve all had a good day Jx 